What happened to my life?

Well.. its been a blink of an eye, and suddenly realise that its the middle of november. Where did the past 2 months go?? There's so much to write but so little time (may journal it all down in retrospect when there's time).
Looking back in summary:
- gave birth to a gorgeous boy Isaac Kia Yi Zhen (very proud of him, especially when he smiles)
- getting through feeding problems (still an issue and is the reason for lots of stress and crying)
- worrying bout isaac (ate enough? why not sleeping? is he developing well?)
- sleepless nights = not functioning with the right frame of mind
- had to squeeze some time to do research work to meet datelines for publications and meetings

I have to adjust to this new life as this little bundle will be with me for the rest of my life. I have got the choice to either wallow in this 'zombieland' for even longer or get a grip of it and move on making him a part of my life. As I have dedicated Isaac to God, I should relax and trust God to take care of things.. I need to have more faith and worry less. I am sure there will be mistakes made here and there but suppose that's the nature of motherhood and I should not beat myself up too much when expectations are not met.

Breastfeeding obsession

Time has flown and its the end of the second week now. The second week was tough with me falling ill from exhaustion and trying to establish breastfeeding. Although still slightly 'zombiefied', I think I am getting the hang of what life will be like having Isaac around. Everything revolves around him. Apparently its suppose to get easier as time passes and routines sets in. However, I still do not see that yet.

The most troubling and anxious thing was trying to establish breastfeeding. I thought my milk did not come and thus was referred to the infant feeding advisors who suggested immediately supplementing with formula, which surprised me. I followed the advice and it was breast-feeding, pumping and trying to get rest all in 3 hour cycles. It was frantic and tiring. Unfortunately, I saw signs of Isaac getting nipple confusion with him not wanting to latch on anymore. Well, I would do the same if I could get food from a bottle which was so much less effort than to suck from the breast. So it was frantic phone calls to friends who have had babies and all advised the same - to cut off the supplements and persist with just breastfeeding. So, that is what I have been doing since. Thankfully, I think milk's available and please Lord, do not let Isaac lose weight when he gets weighed tomorrow. He is showing all the signs of a healthy baby and I only want the best for him.

The first week

No amount of reading and preparation could have prepared me for the experience of the first week. Isaac was a good boy, and slept through the first night. I had to put on the alarm to wake him up for feeding. It must have been the diamorphine that doped the both of us. I was drifting in and out of sleep after the delivery. But, the next 2 nights were bad where Isaac did not sleep at all. I remember texting Richard at 7am asking him to make sure he comes at 8 sharp as I had not slept for the whole 12 hours. It was the same story in our first night home. Thinking back, he may have been hungry as I have lots of problems with breastfeeding (another post altogether).

For the next few days, nights and days merged together where it was cycles of feeding, changing, trying to catch up on sleep, putting Isaac to sleep, getting used to the whole new lifestyle etc.. It was difficult. I am so grateful for the support from richard, family and 2 friends (u know who u are) that kept me sane. But, am sure it will all be worth it.

Labour

All this is writing in retrospect. Yes, the pain became unbearable at midnight 2 saturdays ago and I went into hospital for some entonox. I was found to be only 4 cms and fully effaced then and knew it was going to be a long, difficult night. I wanted to be 'macho' and try without an epidural but little did I know about the pain of labour. It was the worst pain I have ever felt and Richard thought I lost my mind!! I succumbed to an epidural when I was nearly fully dilated and I was a changed woman. I could even chat on the phone and labour was beautiful thereafter. Pushing was amazing and our precious little boy, Isaac, was born on the 27th September at 11:26am, weighing 6lb 5oz.

I noticed bruises on my hands the next morning from all the knocking and clawing around the side rails of the hospital bed. I can smile when I think about the pain now but it was definitely not pleasant then and not something that I want to go through again. If and when God blesses again, I would definitely get an epidural from the very beginning.

The time has come

Am currently in-between contractions while writing what possibly could be my last entry for quite some time. Yup, the time has come and am in labour. God could not have had better timing. Yesterday was Richard's last day at work and will be off for the next 2 weeks. I really wanted him to spend as much time with baby Kia as possible and was praying very hard and how awesome of God to bring me into labour this weekend itself.

We are very excited with the prospect of welcoming this little bundle. But, labour is not called labour for nothing. However, the cycle is interesting. The pain is severe when it comes and time seems to stop, then when that wave is over, I can continue doing what I was doing before as if nothing has happened. That is how this entry's written :)

Interesting traditions

It's been nearly a week since my mom's arrival. Unfortunately, no sign of baby Kia yet. However, the last week's been quite interesting with going around all the shops and buying ingredients to prepare for the 'confinement period'. I have never bought so much ginger in my life.. nearly 10kgs!! There's also 2 small pot of 'sweet wine' brewing in the cupboard, home-made. It is quite amazing to see wine actually forming, and the aroma's quite nice. We also bought guiness stout to bath the baby in, and mom arrived with 2 bottles of DOM for me to drink. Hhmmm... there seems to be lots of alcohol involved. We also fried rice with ginger to make our own 'rice tea' to be drunk after delivery. Apparently, I am only supposed to drink that and red dates drink coz its much healthier. What happened to water?? I wonder if these traditions will follow on for another generation?

The last night

What a scary thought... Tonight's the last night of 'just the 2 of us' for as long as I dare to imagine for now. My mom's coming tomorrow (am really looking forward to it) and then will hopefully be not too long before baby Kia makes an appearance and be welcomed into the world. So, we really should cherish tonight and spend some quality time together. This is why we are both still up now, not wanting the night to end :)

Exactly 38+3 today and still counting