The never-ending saga

I have always wanted to breastfeed and was so stressed out at not being able to completely breastfeed in the beginning. However, I settled with the idea of giving you as much breast milk as possible and was happy to breastfeed and then top you up with formula. You would gulp down all that is in the bottle in about 5 mins after feeding on the breast for about 45 mins and I will *sigh* and wish one day you will not want the bottle.

How wrong I am as from this week, you started refusing the bottle after a feed and I am far from happy with wondering why you don't want the bottle and worrying that you are hungry. Is it because everybody has left, temperature of the milk, the teat, or are you already full? unfortunately, you also wake up lots more at night which makes the both of us very tired, and mess up the day routine as you seem to be hungry bout 1.5 hrs after. Can't believe that u went from preferring the bottle to preferring the breast. So, the question remains - what do I want to do? :)

First week alone

Its the end of 7 days without the help of the greatest parents and parents-in-laws around. It has been hectic and tiring, but thank God we are all still sane and in one piece :) I am sure Isaac missed all their company and vice versa. It was from 11 people, to 4 people and then just richard and I. You may be bored at looking at just our faces as you did not stop smiling and cooing at Ming-Wei when she visited this weekend.

Starting young

No pressure - daddy says :) U did seem very interested though and was focusing on each page

Swimming Time

U screamed when u had your first bath in hospital. Its a very different story now with u kicking and loving your 'swimming time'. U are also outgrowing your bath tub now with u constantly knocking yr head when u kick hard and push yourself in front. Time to enter the big bathtub soon?? We need to look into alternatives.

Your favourites

You are totally amused by the mirror. You always smile and laugh at your own and either of our reflection and reach out to touch your own hand. Wonder what's going on inside your head when you see the mirror. We do this everyday and one day you will realise that its yourself you are looking at :)

A few toys always make you laugh without fail - eeyore the donkey hand rattle, little bumble bee rattle (nicknamed bob by your daddy) and the new bye-bye bear book puppet.

You also like the mobile gift by gong gong and popo. Keeps you entertained while changing and you have since learned to track it when it moves. Hope you don't learn that a hippo is purple in colour and lions are bright yellow.

I cannot do without the mini play gym and bouncer (nicknamed baby OSIM coz of the vibration) too!! Keeps you entertained and allows me to get some things done, especially now that its just me and you in the day time.. I think you like the both of them coz you stay in it for up to an hour (once so far ;)) without yelping for attention. Yes, you do yelp and that sounds like at 'EIK, EIK' very loudly.

Isaac Kia Yi Zhen - 2 months old

We are beginning to understand you more and you are beginning to form your personality - I think.. :) Its not only bout feeding and changing now. You smile, coo, try to hold a conversation, laugh or cry in your dream and respond to us playing with you. Motherhood just became more fun, except waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes twice, to feed.n

You are most cheerful in the mornings and wake up with a smile most of the time, then cry when u realise u are hungry. Still, after a feed u are very happy!! very unlike us, your parents who are not morning people and love lie-ins.. Yehyeh and Mahmah had a good time playing with u every morning while mummy gets more sleep until the past 2 days. Am sure u all miss each other.. I also miss the morning naps.. :)

Another big step was getting your jabs.. I think we were more worried than u with buying thermometers and calpol just in case. But, u proved to be very good with just a yell and then was more 'manja' and sleepy the whole day. Thank God u had no fever.

What happened to my life?

Well.. its been a blink of an eye, and suddenly realise that its the middle of november. Where did the past 2 months go?? There's so much to write but so little time (may journal it all down in retrospect when there's time).
Looking back in summary:
- gave birth to a gorgeous boy Isaac Kia Yi Zhen (very proud of him, especially when he smiles)
- getting through feeding problems (still an issue and is the reason for lots of stress and crying)
- worrying bout isaac (ate enough? why not sleeping? is he developing well?)
- sleepless nights = not functioning with the right frame of mind
- had to squeeze some time to do research work to meet datelines for publications and meetings

I have to adjust to this new life as this little bundle will be with me for the rest of my life. I have got the choice to either wallow in this 'zombieland' for even longer or get a grip of it and move on making him a part of my life. As I have dedicated Isaac to God, I should relax and trust God to take care of things.. I need to have more faith and worry less. I am sure there will be mistakes made here and there but suppose that's the nature of motherhood and I should not beat myself up too much when expectations are not met.