Nursery anxieties

After 2 weeks in nursery, I am beginning to get little worries about whether this nursery is the best for you. You do seem to be settling in but the carers seem to always be over enthusiastic about how good you were which makes it seem a little fake. They say you eat all your food ALL the time but yet when you come back you seem hungry and finish your dinner in 10 minutes. From your daily sheet, it seems like you always nap during meal times but they say they keep the food for you. When I brought it up, they say its better to allow the child to set the routine. They say there are organised activities of circle time or messy play but I have not seen any in the few days that I picked you up early.

What irritated me was finding a dummy next to you in the pushchair you were sleeping in a few days ago. Today, when I picked you up early after Richard arrived, I saw that dummy in your mouth while you were sleeping!! I was furious and when brought it up they insisted that it was left in the pushchair and you must have put it in yourself. You have also developed another flu just as I thought you were getting better. There's also evidence of some nappy rash.

Sigh.. Am I being over-protective? Am I being paranoid? Am I expecting too much from nursery? I wonder if these worries are normal? Are all nurseries like that? Do I have any other choice? I only want the best for you. IF only you can tell me what really goes on the whole day. The only thing that reassures me is that you always smile when I drop you and will smile when I pick you up. Again, maybe I have to just trust in God to take care of you.

Just the two of us

Its the first time since you were born that there's only me and you for the whole 2.5 days. Yes, your grandparents have gone and daddy is in US. I was not looking forward to it but I have surprisingly quite enjoyed the time alone with you and then alone by myself. The time passed so quickly and as I write this, its already close to midnight (and you already woke up once). I did tell myself to sleep early. I know that it will be challenging times with just richard and I, both working and having to care for you. However, I am sure it will make us into a closer family unit.

Lord, please let the wind change direction so that there will be no volcanic ash over the northwest area that will cause airport closures and risk Richard not being to land on Friday. Its no fun just being Isaac and me for longer than it has to be.

Character building?

I dropped you in nursery 2 days ago for the first time. Although it was only for an hour, I was so anxious and felt terrible that I could not pick you up because of work. I could not wait to hear the report from nursery and my parents. My heart broke and tears flowed when I heard that you cried till your eyes were red, refused to nap and refused to have formula. How I wish it was me who picked you up, it was me who soothed your crying and it was me who reassured you that you're not being abandoned. I wanted to leave work immediately to go home and see you. Thankfully I could talk to a friend who reassured me that all these feelings were normal and it will be abnormal if you settled into nursery immediately. She confirmed that nursery was a good thing and it will build you into a better kid. Unfortunately you woke up every hour at night.

You went in for a second session today and thankfully things were better. I made sure I dropped you and I picked you up for both our sakes :) There were 12 babies today and you got distracted by them all when I dropped you. There was no crying except for a 'manja' cry when I picked you up. Tomorrow you will have your first meal there. Hopefully you will slowly settle in well. We both have lots to learn. You - to have a set routine, not have your way all the time, be more independant and to learn interaction with other babies. Me - to let go and trust God and others to care for you. We will both become stronger.

Nursery

Although we have paid the deposit for a nursery near our place, the kiasu I made your dad make an appointment to view the nursery in his hospital as the fees there is about half of what we will be paying in the nursery that we have booked. It was reasonable as your daddy will be there for at least 2 years and that nursery is highly recommended. Alas, the waiting list is very long!!

So, next week will see you going into nursery and making a hole in our pockets. Our little hoodie, please don't become a scouser.

Motherhood vs Career woman

I have returned to work for one week and it has been full of mixed feelings.

It was initially very difficult to leave you in the morning because you have been by my side for the past 6 months and I missed you terribly in the first hour or so. However, work soon absorbed me and I turned into the 'workaholic' mindset and sort of forgot about you until it was time to go home when feelings of missing you returned. I also feel slightly guilty that I enjoy the freedom of eating lunch at peace and can have adult conversations without interruptions :) Stress and pressure at work is not as easily dealt with when tiredness of having disturbed nights overtakes me but you always greet me after work with a big smile and open arms that makes everything better. Thankfully I have the help of my sister and parents and always had good food waiting for us at home.

Life will be challenging when everybody leaves and I have to juggle between giving my best at my career, being a good mother and a loving wife. If only there were more than 24 hours in a day or if I can function without sleep. Going back to work has made me realise that I love my job as much as love being a mother and I strive to excel in both. Thus, my prayer every night is 'Lord, please grant me strength for another brand new day, AMEN'